One More For The Road

I just got an email from the people at Canyon Acres, forwarding on the information they’ve been given about the weekend’s race festivities. Now I’m so nervous that I’m a little sick to my stomach. And in bold letters on the OC Marathon home page?

 “There are 40 days left until the OC Marathon.”

Click on the thumbnail to see a full size picture of the course.

Okay, okay. Here I am. I’ve been pouting and pissy and generally throwing a solo pity party. Luckily this has been mostly in my head so no one else has had to suffer.

Thanks for all the advice and good thoughts. My biggest mental hang up isn’t that I won’t be able to do the marathon. Honestly, I really think that I will be able to it. My real mental hurdle is knowing that I won’t do as well as I wanted to.

I hadn’t talked about my marathon goals before because I was afraid of jinxing myself. (Gotta love the irony there.) During my long runs, I imagined myself coming in under 4 hours. I focused and envisioned the big timer over my head with my time on it. Less than 4 hours for a first time marathon is a great accomplishment, and up until a month ago I would have told you that it was a given that I would do it.

Wanna know a secret, though? In my private moments there was this whisper in my head, this quiet little voice that started talking about 3 months ago. When I saw my times from my long runs, when I saw what my body was able to do (and armed with the knowledge that race day excitement naturally makes you run faster………. ) I started thinking and dreaming and wishing. And suddenly, though I said nothing to anyone, I was daring to believe that I could, maybe, possibly run my first marathon and qualify for Boston all in one shot.

Big dreams, no? I told Eric a month and a half ago that I wasn’t planning to try to run that fast and he gave me this look and said, “Yeah. Right, honey. You think I haven’t seen those wheels turning?” That’s the most I had come to having a conversation about it until this very moment.

Now it seems that not only do I need to let that dream go, but I also need to (?) resign myself to not coming in under 4 hours. That’s a pretty bitter pill to swallow after all of my lofty expectations. And, being as anal retentive and freakin’ nuts as I am, over the weekend I started having the ridiculous idea that if I couldn’t do it “my” way then I wouldn’t do it at all, and just put off the marathon for a few months. Talk about a temper tantrum. (Again, rest assured that I didn’t do anything stupid like voice these thoughts so anyone else had to deal with their ridiculousness!)

I seem to have come out on the other side of it this morning. Maybe because the pain wasn’t quite as severe when I got up? Maybe because I could see past the pain and stop being a brat? Maybe. Or maybe I just finally decided to think positive and stop being a nut case.

I’ve taken all of the advice I’ve been given over the last few days, and ZinJ is helping me to come up with a workable running schedule that will build me back up as quickly as possible. I’ve read up on everything I can find, and while 3 weeks IS a long time off, it’s not insurmountable.

So I don’t qualify for Boston. So I don’t make it in under 4 hours. Life will go on and the sun will come up the next morning. I’ve already started looking for another marathon, and that alone made me realize something else. I really was thinking of this as my first and only marathon. In my mind, there was no possiblitity of another one.

Why? So the doctor said that the running would catch up with me and my knee. So what? So he said he thought my knee wouldn’t hold up to another vigorous training program. So what? I have had no significant pain in my knee since right after my appointment. I can run until it gives out, and only then throw in the towel. It was very freeing for me to finally say, “Screw that.” (wording edited to account for the family members who read this blog. ) There’s nothing I can do about it either way, so why not go all out?

There are quite a few marathons in the spring here in California. I won’t be able to afford to go to the CK Meetup/Marathon, but I can do the OC Marathon in January, and then at the end of April is a women’s marathon in Sacramento. (On the longest Bike Trail in the USA. Kind cool, huh?) I can do OC and focus on finishing, and then in April go for the big goals. I don’t know how well that will work, since I don’t know how I will feel after OC. From what I hear, I’m supposed to take some time off after the marathon, or at least take it down a notch to recover. But I would have roughly 3 and a half months to build back up.

No matter what, I feel like I’ve emerged from the “other side”. I still have doubts and fears, but they aren’t suffocating me or making me feel like all of this work has been for nothing. I still have my pessimistic moments (it’s only 7:55am, what do you expect?), but so far the glass is neither half full or half empty. It just has water in it. I can live with that for now.

written Saturday, November 25, 2006

Robyn sent me a PM today, and reminded me that I hadn’t updated everyone on my back.

It hurts like a bitch. Really, I can’t believe how bad it is right now. The chiropractor  helped me out, adjusted me after putting heat on me for 10 minutes to try to loosen the muscles, but now it’s just a matter of time.

What really sucks (among many things) is that if I could take anti inflammatories my healing would be faster. Most people would pop some pills to ease the swelling in the muscles and joints, and that alone would help with the pain. Thanks to my allergy, I get to wait for nature to take it’s course. And where those same people could take a warm bath to help soothe the tight muscles, I can’t because that could make the swelling worse and I can’t use anything to combat that. So I am stuck with icing it and taking Vicodin. The Vicodin is okay. I’m only taking half of the dosage, to take the edge off the pain. With 2 little boys running around I can’t afford to be totally out of it.

I go back to the dr on Monday, and probably 3 times a week for a few weeks. He thinks I’ll be back to running in 10-14 days. Just in time for me to start tapering for the marathon, thereby not being able to run enough to gain back the ground that I’ve lost.

That about sums up my feeling on THAT subject.

However, I am going to So Cal for the marathon no matter what, and will decide the day before whether or not I will attempt the full or just ‘make do’ with the half. I am trying to breathe and remember that worst case scenario is only that I push back the marathon by a month or two. Oh, and paying ~$160 bucks to run a marathon rather than the $80 I’ve already paid to the OC Marathon. Because we have so much money for me to be throwing aorund, especially this time of year.

I don’t really know how to deal with any of this, or what to think or how to feel. I’m a little lost at the moment, and would love advice on my training and my program and how best to handle all of these injuries. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who is knowledgable in that area, who has enough experience to offer real advice instead of platitudes (I am getting so. freaking. tired. of “Oh, you’ll be fine.” )

I’ll talk to the podiatrist on Thursday and see what he says. This is the follow up for my foot, and maybe he can recommend someone.

Thanks for all the love and well wishes. I love you guys.

p.s.

Any donations can “follow” me to whatever marthon I choose to run. I m not required to raise a certain amount, and none of the money is “wasted”. I really appreciate the show of support. XOXO

10 days off, necessary or not, really did a number on my cardio level. Isn’t it depressing how quickly we can lose it. It takes forever to build up and a week to back slide.

I did 3.78 miles this morning, but struggled through much of it. My legs felt sore and stiff until about 3 miles, and my heart rate was consistently higher than normal. I know that I will get back to where I need to be, but with only a month left before marathon taper time and less than 2 months left before the marathon…………..I’m nervous.

The good part is that my foot is only mildly twing-y this morning (not a word, I know, but you get my drift!) The wrapping came off this morning, and I am going to get an ankle brace today. I am going to do low mileage this week, kind of ease back into things, and then in a week and a half I’ll throw in a long run. Keep your fingers crossed for me, will ya?

35 min (3.78 miles at 6.5 mph)

9:16/mile

350 cals

No stress fracture, no plantar fascitis, no sprained ankle. It’s clear cut case of over training. So the presciption is to rest it now and let it get better before I really hurt myself. 10 days total from the date of the injury, which leaves me with 5 days left. Not so bad, I guess, though my days feel a little empty and I’m gettin’ a little antsy.

I have a neat wrap on my ankle right now, and it’s supposed to stay there for 3-5 days. It can’t get it wet, so it’s baths for me for now. I need to get new shoes ASAP, and avoid over training. The podiatrist I saw is actually the team dr. for the athletics at Cal Poly. That was cool!

Interesting things I learned today:

*I kick ass for losing so much weight. (he actually said that: “You kick ass!” )

*I am way ahead of the game, as far as my training.

*If I go get a second opinion on my knee, Dr. Mooney is a runner and an orthopedist, so he may be more willing to work with me.

*Taking these 10 days off should have no impact on my cardio and/or marathon abilities.

*I shouldn’t have to do anymore 20 milers until the marathon. In his “professional” opinion, I can get by with 5-8 miles/day, 5 days/week with a few 15-18 mile runs thrown in there for the next 2 months.

* Running shoes (all shoes?) have a shelf life. After about 9-12 months the inner padding, etc starts to break down. Kind of like a slowly deflating balloon. The problem with stores like Big 5, Kmart, Walmart, etc is that they don’t always rotate their stock as often as they should. And since they buy in such mass quantities it’s hard to tell what came in when. This is a good reason to go to a running store to buy your shoes.

*A local running store is going out of business and having some great deals on shoes.

Overall, quite the productive appointment. I’m glad I went.

This was one of those runs that had me wondering why I do this, why I put my body through this. The fault is my own; I didn’t prepare as I should have, and wasn’t in as good of shape as I should/could have been. I wasn’t as hydrated, wasn’t as carb loaded. Then again, lesson learned. Every long run is a marathon dress rehearsal, and the more I learn about what my body needs the better off I’ll be on January 7.

It’s almost sad, how much worse this run was from the last time Eric rode with me. It was about the same distance, done a little more than 6 minutes slower. That may not seem like a lot, and it wouldn’t bother me so much if I had actually felt good during the run. But I felt worn out and tired, and at mile 4 was trying to find excuses to quit. The next 17 weren’t much better, as far as motivation. I started out slower than normal and never could find a really comfortable rhythm. Even having Eric along side of me wasn’t enough to make me really enjoy myself.

The last 4 miles were torture. There’s no other word for it. Tummy cramps, tight muscles, aching feet. The cramps were thanks to the crap I ate last night (massive banana split), and I think the extreme muscle soreness can be attributed to mild dehydration. The one upside of the run was that I didn’t have to stop to pee this time (although maybe that was another sign that I hadn’t been drinking enough in the last few days). Also, I ran longer than I ever have which I must remember is the whole point. I am getting my body more accustomed to running for greater lengths of time. 3 hours, 14 minutes, and 35 seconds worth of nonstop running is definetely something to be proud of. The growing blister on my big toe is something I could do without, but again it’s my own fault. New shoes are a priority now.

I had severe muscle cramps as soon as I stopped, and it lasted for nearly 45 minutes. I could barely stand, much less walk. I hobbled and lay on the floor trying to stetch as much as I could through the pain. Luckily it’s gone now, because that particular side effect is almost enough to bring me to tears.

I’m super tired now, another unfortunate result of poor preparation. The most frustrating aspect of this is knowing how good I felt after my last 21 miles run. I felt awesome. Remebering that really brings home the fact that I really f-ed up this time around.

And now I am holding tight to what Eric said to me with 2 miles left to get home. I’m so proud of you, honey. It’s a true mark of character to be able to push through even when everything in you wants to stop.

That’s right, damn it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 hr 14 min 35 sec (21.4 miles at 6.6 mph)

9:06/mile

1668 cals